I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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