I'm gonna have a badass scar
Please, let me fuck your mom
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
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I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
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Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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