Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
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We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
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fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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