Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
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In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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