Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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