Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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