just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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