I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
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Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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