so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize