She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
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He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
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Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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