i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
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I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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