I think I won the penis lottery.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
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We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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