guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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