Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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