i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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