his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
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I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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