Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
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Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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