sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Reggie can tackle my bush.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
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I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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