You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize