If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
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he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
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you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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