and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize