Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize