Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
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Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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