My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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