I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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