I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
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he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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