So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
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Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
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I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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