Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize