Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize