i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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