FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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