I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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