Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
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RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
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I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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