maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
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I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
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I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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