It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
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She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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