hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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