The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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