i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
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i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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