I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
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If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
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the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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