That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize