Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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