no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Send help, water and tortillas.
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...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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