I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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