There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
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Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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