You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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