she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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