Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize