You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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