and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize