i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
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i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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